The Number 3 Toilet
This is a toilet specifically designed for going #3. You may be asking yourself, "What is a #3?". Well, a #3 is anything that comes out of your mouth (i.e. barf). Don't you hate it when you have the urge to upchuck, but you don't want to get near that dirty toilet? Wouldn't passing out drunk cradling a toilet be much more comfortable if you had a Number 3 Toilet? It even comes with a comfortable face cushion in your choice of colors!
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The Organic Vegan Cow
Imagine all the cancer fighting benefits of vegetables combined with the delicious true taste of a cow. Well imagine no more. This wonderful abomination of nature was created from genetically altered "cow seeds" and grown naturally in the nutrient rich soils of Montana. No more inhuman slaughter houses - just pick when ripe and enjoy the delicious meaty taste of all natural meat.
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The Bra-colli
Keeping with the "green" theme, I introduce to you the Bra-colli. Nutritious and supporting, the Bra-colli is the woman's best friend. How many times have you wanted a healthy snack on the go, but could never find room in your purse to keep it? Well, the Bra-colli is the solution to your problem, and it also gives you that natural enhanced look. Ranch dressing (10 packets) included!
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The Bee-Bee Gun
Nothing says "I give up!" like a face full of bees. This bee shooter is the perfect way to resolve any tense stand-off situation while leaving the other party practically unharmed (unless the other party is allergic to bees - whoops). Perfect for children of all ages and bears.
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And there you have it. The very first edition of "Things That Should Exist, But Don't". Next month: "How Photoshop Can Waste Your Time".
Hilarious! Genious!
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