Just so you know, the title of this blog is to be taken as a negative. I am now using that phrase as my maxim of choice whenever someone reveals a little too much about their relationships on Facebook.
I think sometimes we forget that Facebook is a public forum. It's for entertainment purposes. It is not to be taken seriously. Think of it as the reality show of the internet. We are peering into other people's lives for just a glimpse. Not the entire picture. Can you really get a true sense of a person by the bread crumbs they drop us throughout the day?
Now with all that said, let's talk about YOU:
"I see you're in a relationship now. Congratulations! I'm very happy for you. You two seem like a great couple from all the pictures I've seen you post. How was your intimate dinner last night at Waffle House? Oh, and did you guys steal a Christmas tree together? I see that you must really love her from that cute message about her butt dimples you left on her wall. That's sweet. And what's that? You posted that he's taking you to the Bahamas? Nice! I only wish I could meet someone just like that. You guys seem so perfect!"
The perfect relationship. Hundreds of eyes on the both of you. Reading about you. Celebrating you. Anticipating you and the inevitable wedding that must surely be coming. If only the "single" status person watching (peeking in on your page) could find someone JUST....LIKE...THAT.
Someone very smart once told me that the comparing mind, is a destructive mind. Facebook has changed the face (no pun intended) of relationships (and how we acknowledge love) forever. Saying "I love you" is no longer an intimate rite-of-passage between two consenting people who truly love each other. It's now shouted to the high heavens for everyone to know. So everyone can rejoice in that love, and praise these two people for gettin' it on!
We're so willing to show people and let people know how happy we are, that we allow a little monster to take control of us [No, not THAT little monster]. The little blue eyed monster called narcissism (I'm assuming that's the color of narcissism because I'm awesome). Everybody has a little narcissism in them. Facebook was custom created for narcissists. You only post a status update to get comments. You hunger for comments. For interaction. You crave the attention. The more the better. Narcissism is the V-6 engine (with a Hemi) of Facebook.
And now you're probably wondering, "If you think so badly about Facebook, why are you even on it?" Well... because I'm narcissistic. Did you really not know that? Why else would I have a blog? So it can sit here unread? No way. Everything we do or say online, no matter how large or small, is narcissistic. Don't be ashamed of it. There's no need to be. As human beings, we are only doing what our instincts tell us to do. We need to be accepted. We need to be heard.
But that can eventually get us into trouble. Our need to be showered with praise drives us to reveal more and more about ourselves than we used to. Facebook has made it much easier to connect with people and to meet new people. To get into relationships, and to leave others. And the problem is, everyone knows it. There is no privacy anymore. And there is now so much weight put into "relationship statuses" that you're not "officially" in a relationship until you post it on Facebook for everyone to know. "I didn't know you two were dating!! I didn't see anything on Facebook."
And why wouldn't you want the world to know that you're happy and in a relationship? Before Facebook, we had to tell each person one-at-a-time how happy we were. We had to send out postcards and letters. Now with the snap of the keyboard and the click of a mouse, we can tell everyone instantly.
But after that hoorah of applause simmers, then the GREEN-eyed monster takes hold and you'll start to hear the comparisons:
SuzieQ: " Tom just posted on Sally's page that he loves her and bought her a diamond necklace hand chiseled by orphan villagers in Tibet. How come you never post that on my wall and buy me diamond necklaces? "
Cletus: "Well, I just told you I loved you on the phone not 10 minutes ago. And I got you diamond earrings last month. Isn't that enough?"
SuzieQ: "No. Everyone should know how you feel and what you buy me!!"
The only way to express true love in this new era is to post it on Facebook. Post it in pictures. Post your plans and all the special things he/she did for you. Say it every day so everyone knows. No secrets. Every...single...person...MUST...KNOW. Must feed off their praise. Feed off their jealousy. Must feed off the attention. Mmmmmm, this Ramen tastes delicious!
How did we, as civilized human beings, ever know two people loved each other before Facebook? Did we run out and tell all of our friends, then go tell our business associates, then run into a restaurant we really liked and tell the people there, and then call up that one dude you met at a party five years ago and tell him. Or did you wear a t-shirt with the words "In a Relationship with Susie" emblazoned on the front everyday?
Nope, you let people figure it out for themselves by how you interacted with your mate. By how you looked them in the eyes, and touched them on the back. By how you whispered in their ear and brought a smile to their face. By how you talked about them. This wasn't for show. You didn't care one bit if people were watching or not. This was between just the two of you. That's what intimacy is. Intimacy is not the pre-meditated wall post of "I love you" for everyone to see, with the explicit knowledge that everyone will see it. It wasn't something we had to prove..."See, I really do love this person. I just said so in my status update!"
But because of Facebook, it's no longer good enough to just say "I love you" in person. You need to scream it out loud for everyone to hear, and if they don't hear you just have to scream louder and more often. You have to say it daily. You have to acknowledge the love in the digital realm before it can truly mean anything - like Cletus and SuzieQ are doing down the street. And then when it doesn't work out, and you put that dreaded "single" status up, everyone will ask "What happened? You guys seemed so happy....based on what I read on Facebook."
This blog isn't a hate letter to everyone who is in love and showing it. It's not a discouragement to happy couples who want people to know they're happy. I'm not going to leave nasty messages of "Get a room!" to friends whenever they post "I love you" on each other's wall. I actually somewhat enjoy seeing it when two people have finally found someone. I just want people to be aware that sometimes what we read is not necessarily real. Only those two people know what is real between them. But for the people reading it, don't take it to heart. Facebook can, and will be, smoke and mirrors. Simple entertainment. Let's not treat it so seriously. It's not the world. It's not "real" life. Take everything with a grain of salt. The comparing mind, is a destructive mind. And please, let's try to keep a few things just to ourselves. Some things are better left said in the privacy of your own home. It's what Cletus would want.
