Diamond in the Rough

Once in a lifetime.

That's about how often great discoveries happen. If you're really lucky: Twice..maybe. But for most of us, it will be one time or less. And when that moment occurs, every bone in your body quivers with the excitement that something very special has just been found. I am honored to say that I have, for the first time in my life, experienced my one great discovery.

It all began with a ribald night of chocolate and charity (A silent auction fundraiser). Sugar coursing through my veins , I was on a natural high. And the alcohol certainly aided in my contentment. I was right smack dab in the "sweet spot" of relaxation and zen. As I eyed the silent auction tables from afar, I caught a glimmer of something. A twinkle - as if this object were winking only at me. It sat there on the table as just a blur at first, but I knew that I had to make my way over. It was my destiny. I walked slowly towards the light, each step bringing the object more and more into focus. By the time I made it to the table, everything became clear. I was blind, but now I see! My eyes dilated fully to take in all of the beauty. It was truly spectacular to behold.

Maybe it was the combination of alcohol and chocolate, but I felt at that moment that I had found my purpose in life. It was to bid on this item. Words can't possibly describe the beauty of this treasure, so I will just have to show you. Now be warned: Something like this (even though it is only a photograph) can still blind you with its beauty. You may want to sit down first:


Behold!




And from another angle:



After I took a deep breath to calm myself, I began to examine the piece. I could not believe my luck! No one had bid on it yet. In a room of 300 people, I had managed to be the only one who truly realized what was in front of me. I leaned over to my friend Jamie and whispered "I've found what I came here for."

From the accurate hand molded replication of a frankfurter, to the color variations on the jade plate - I knew that the artist was a undiscovered genius. The lifelike depictions were truly uncanny. I almost thought someone had taken real objects and placed them onto a plate. But after careful analyzation I realized that the objects were indeed fabrications. I also realized that the artist had a lot to say about humanity. From the thoughtfully positioned strawberry, to the carefully wrapped mint - this piece represented the heartbreak of childhood and the insecurities of manhood. We were all human. I'm not sure what the stick of butter stands for, but I know Paula Deen would have been proud.

After slowly contemplating how much I would have to bid, I finally made the difficult decision against it. I thought it would have been selfish to keep this art for myself. It was meant to be seen by the world. Meant to be celebrated. But as my good fortune would have it - Jamie (recognizing my inner battle over the piece) decided to find someone to place a bid on my behalf. Sometimes people can still surprise you by their thoughtfulness. What a truly kind act of generosity. I'm not sure how I could ever repay her, but I will one day. And ohhhh you better believe I will get her back.

Well, long story short - I now own a piece of modern art. And I need your help to tell me where to display this magnificent achievement in my house.

Here are a few ideas I've had...


On my end table:























As the center piece on my dining room table:

























In my bathroom:

In my bedroom:

Next to a cat:



















On my head like a hat:

Annnndddd.....Whoops! How did that get in there?